The Death of the “Nice Girl” : Reclaiming the Divine Feminine
- Operations Hermanas
- Mar 28
- 4 min read
A confrontation of the silent expectations placed on women to be “nice” at the cost of their authenticity.
In October 2021, I was destroyed. Everything I knew about myself shattered.
It was the catalyser for Rebirth.
Jumping back a few months — lockdown. My most trusted companion, my cat, my first cat, died in April 2021. The grief was unbearable. I was emotionally unstable. I packed my life in Goa into bags and moved to Auroville, desperately trying to find my footing. My mental health spiraled — crashing, rising, falling again — a rollercoaster of emotions, hopes, and shoulds, trying to make sense of everything without losing myself. Without losing my mind.
October 2021. Desperate for solace — and, if I’m honest, still hoping he meant it when he said I was his true love — I invited myself on a trip with my ex and his crew. We left Auroville for Hyderabad.
That’s where I met a typical Conservative Indian Woman but really it could have been any typical Conservative Woman, I’ve met so many over time even in my own family.
Have you ever met one?
I was in a mental daze, ungrounded for months, drifting in survival mode. And in that fog, I fell into the trap — the deeply ingrained pattern of people-pleasing, despite the screaming voices in my head saying, Get the fuck out of there.I tried to contribute. I felt the judgmental eyes watching me, weighing me. I shrank. In that situation, of course I hid as far as I could. I ran inside myself, disowning parts of me, molding myself into something more palatable — anything to make them comfortable, trying to please and make people happy except myself..
And then, one tiny detail set it all off. There was a French song playing “Balance ton quoi” from Angele and I got asked, by the said woman, what does it say and I translated it using the literal translation the word fuck at some point. When she heard that, she called the only other girl there and told me: “She is a nice girl!”. That struck me like a punch to the gut.
I really took it to heart and for the rest of the time I tried to be this ‘nice girl’.
What Even Is a ‘Nice Girl’? A nice girl in a conservative, patriarchal society is:
• A girl who talks softly, stays polite, doesn’t get angry, and doesn’t make noise
• A girl who obeys, who follows, who serves the men
• A girl who studies — because we’re all modern now, right? — but still quits her jobthe moment children arrive
• A girl who sacrifices her own dreams because a nice girl put her needs aside for the “greater good” of family, husband, society.
And who enforces this? Women themselves.
Women perpetuate the “Nice Girl” doctrine, teaching younger women that this is how they should behave.
This is how they must behave.
It, thus, gives them the ability to relinquish the responsibility of their fulfilment/joy. The husband, the kids or family are then expected to care for making mama proud and in our dysfunctional units it doesn’t really happen anymore. So the girl that is now a woman starts to complain, become angry, starts blaming and gossiping. Jealousy and comparison between households are used to find some kind of purpose and meaning from all their should.
Imagine How Exhausting That Is.
Well if you’re like me, you dont have to imagine, you’ve been playing this role for way too long, trying to people please and to meet their unsaid expectations.
I got fried. Didn’t you?
I split myself apart, trying to destroy the pieces that felt too wild, too crazy — when all they needed was integration.
Even on my spiritual path, all this fucking new age belief of not being angry and remaining calm or dismissing any negative emotions because we need to feel happy at all cost and maintain a “positive attitude”.
But what about the raw expression of who we really are?
Are You Happy in This Society?
We don’t feel anymore. We don’t trust anymore.
The Truth?
The truth is I’ve never been a “nice girl”, I’ve never tried to hide it either. I am raw and wild, loving and kind, crazy and calm, abundant and unstoppable.
I’m loud. I make lots of noise. I take a whole lot of space. I care too much, I feel deeply and fully. I laugh my heart out and I cry to fill up rivers. I’m raw and sometimes I don’t know how to express what I have inside. I wear it on my sleeve along with my heart.
I feel my feelings and I’m proud of it. I’m not for everyone but at least I am for myself.
I protect my loved ones but not at the cost of my self-respect and dignity. Never Again.
All my life, I stood up for equality.
I freed myself from others’ judgement.
I owned my sexual freedom.
I won some battles and lost some.
I am proud to be the human being I am…
One that is free, authentic, playful and can say fuck without even second guessing it…
So I DECLARE NOW
It’s time to wake up to OneSelf, to Oneness
The time of being nice is over
It is time to be true, to be authentic
Claim the beauty, Embody MahaSaraswati
Claim the power, Embody MahaKali
Claim the light, Embody MaheShwari
Claim the love, Embody MahaLakshmi
Be MahaShakti
Be the Shekhina
Be the Divine Feminine
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